UNREALISTIC RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATIONS

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A few months after I had just met my girlfriend, we decided to learn a bit about each others’ past romantic lives. She was the one who brought up the topic; I would never bring up that topic! Despite how much I tried to evade that conversation, she was insistent. So we did, but on the condition that she tell her story first.

She then told me of her first ever [un]serious relationship. She was twenty years old then and there was a classmate of hers that made her stomach rumble…in a good way. He was supposedly as fine as a model because he was a model; an aspiring model at the time. This boy was a popular one in the school, and with his fine looks and good charms he got them girls easily. To my girlfriend he was the perfect image of a man. She wanted him, but then he didn’t know she was there. She was perhaps out of his league, not because she was ugly or classless but because she was a churchy type back then.

So my babe started craving the model’s attention. She had to make use of her womanly instincts to be able to flirt with him in order to get what she was after. She would sit closer to his seat, try talking to him and even volunteering to teach him most of the things he didn’t understand in class. Funny enough there were quite a lot of things that he didn’t understand. Yet he was the most appealing young in the class to her still. She laughed at his dry jokes, endured his insults and still loved him.

By the end of their final semester, the jackass finally decided to take advantage of my girl’s naivety. By this time she was not quite as churchy as she used to be. She went all in for it when the deed happened; after all that was what the attraction was about in the first place. But then during and after the deed she was just as disappointed! He was such a reverse of everything she had anticipated. As she put it to me in her narrative, the whole chase had been a complete waste of her time. And that was unfortunate.

So she avoided him, and he was certainly not used to going back to his meals even as didn’t even know how to eat said meals. They avoided each other throughout the remaining time they had to spend on campus until the end of the semester and she left never to meet him again; hopefully.

The funny thing about the experience is that what she experienced with the so called model never stopped my bae from having [that] rather cliche perception of manhood and love. The same anticipations that attracted her to that one were the same that attracted her to me three years later. She wasn’t disappointed after we did the deed though…well because I got it! But that doesn’t mean her expectations were not just as shallow as it could be. And as I’ve gotten to understand, most girls have and fantasize about these same expectations. They have a very unreal idealization of the perfect boyfriends- ones that are very handsome with chiselled abs, earning six figure salaries and with the libido of horses. Funny stuff, but it’s hard for most men to posses all these features at once!

This is not to say [however] that men do not have unrealistic expectations from their women. If anything, I’ve also dreamt of a Beyonce, one with all the curves in the right places and yet just slim enough to make it sexy for me. At the time that I was still in dreamsville, she had to exemplify perfection- have beauty, brain, class, decency, money and a whore spirit. But then as I got matured a bit I realized that I could actually wake up from sleep and stop dreaming already…

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The expectation of most young men like myself. But then wishes aren't horses...

Anyway after she finished telling her story, I had to let her understand it was time to let go of those unrealistic expectations. She promised to try her best, but then wanted to know about my past experiences. Hmmmm! Should I tell it? She doesn’t have to know the truth…

~Emmanuel Benson writes

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